Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
