u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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