Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
