i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
