if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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