the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
