Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
