Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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