I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
