the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
