Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
