Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is the high leading the old right now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
