Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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