The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
