saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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