remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.