So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?