THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I could make wine with my vomit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.