If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers