dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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