What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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