Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
