The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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