ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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