we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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