dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
