i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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