That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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