Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
