Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
