i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
