and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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