He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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