I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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