you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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