I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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