o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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