I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
