Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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