yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
