You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Enjoy the penises
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
