If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
