I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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