I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
