no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
