My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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