I'm jealous of your bromance
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
