I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
