i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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