it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize