I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you will always have a special place in my vag
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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