I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
