Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
