That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
