wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You smell like stripper and shame
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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