Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
