I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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