so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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