He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
