3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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