Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
