Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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