well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
